Originally Posted by
craven 
I now realize that I must have a partner who is self-aware and not afraid to take an honest inventory of his flaws. As I have told you many times before, I am very concerned about your drinking. As far as I can tell, you have done nothing to address the issue. I want you to go to a therapist so that you can begin the process of understanding why you drink the way you do. I will not be in a relationship with someone who chooses not to investigate his weaknesses and flaws via professional help or a recovery program of a substantial length of time- at least 6 months to a year.
Did I write this or did you??!?
My take is you are on the right track.
A question: do you get to send him to therapy? You can want him to go, but that is YOU wanting HIM to do something. YOU want HIM to understand why he drinks the way he does.
There is no cheese down that tunnel. Maybe he doesn't want to understand why. Maybe he doesn't want to go to therapy.
I know my AH doesn't! I said I wouldn't have kids if he didn't address the drinking. Nope. No kids. No therapy. Stalemate. But, he has every right to decline to do what I want.
But saying "I will not be in a relationship with someone that..." is gold. You can set whatever limits you want (which are there anyway, so you might as well listen to yourself) and then follow through. That's good stuff.
I don't know if you're like me, but I feel like I could DEAL with it - smoking, drinking, shopping addiction, porn - even cheating (which hasn't been a problem for us) if he would just LOOK AT IT and try to work on it! AHHHHHH!
LOL! I had a moment, there.
And we can't get them to if they don't want to.
And I can say it is a deal breaker.
And I can love him even as I leave.
Hugs,
peace