Originally Posted by
stilllearning 
It's okay that this man is an alcoholic. It's not your fault. You didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. His behavior will get worse, not better and you can decide, at any time, that you are worth more than your husband's despicable betrayal and this man's addiction. Because you are. You don't owe him anything.
Hugs,
SL
Very well said.
My husband was an alcoholic. I was not his primary relationship. He put his relationship with alcohol before his relationship with me and this is the thing that perhaps is true of every person in active addiction. It is the definition of active addiction - it comes first. They follow the voice of addiction before they do or honor anything or anyone else.
That means resources of time, money, emotional availability, concern, honor, all of it - serves the addiction first and what is left over goes to others. As time goes on this becomes more and more evident. Like the previous poster said, it gets worse.
If others cause problems with the primary relationship (alcohol) the alcoholic will most likely push back. How they (the alcoholic) pushes back is individual but they will do something. My xah used lots of emotional manipulation. I had lots of personal recovery work to do so I was extremely vulnerable to that sort of thing. I still have lots of recovery work to do but I see it now.