Do this for yourself, regardless of what comes. Your recovery is more important than your relationship, more important than your marriage. That's my message as a codie to you as the alcoholic. You're being self-centered now, but in the best possible way. Your sobriety is your own, as much as your alcoholism is. Your partner's anger is her own, too. I've read that codies sometimes experience their alcoholic partners in recovery as being more self absorbed than when they were drinking, but each person is different. I think the long term benefits of your sobriety can only be a healthy thing for both of you, regardless of how the chips may fall.