Originally Posted by
Lunaaa 
Johndelko,Dollydo and wheredoiturn,
I really dont want to go back to him,i never want to see him again.i know i'm better off this way and that as long as i'm with him i'll never be happy or have self respect. the reason i'm telling you about my weakness towards him is that i once heard that an idea is like a virus you need to fight it wth another idea(anti-virus) i'm telling you how i feel(about him not meaning to hurt me ...etc ) because i'm hoping to get rid of these sick feelings of dependency and become more certain of my decision which is leaving him,trust me guys i never want to go back to him but i'm trying to arm myself against myself,does that make any sense? i dont want to feel any guilt or regret for leaving him i want to be convinced(both heart and mind) that its the right thing.
Well I'm glad to hear that you are sure that you don't want to go back to him. I'm not going to keep pushing the Codependents Anonymous (CODA), but you even admit to being dependent in your post I quoted. It won't hurt but might actually help you. And I know that the suggestions I made about esteeming yourself seem petty, but trust me from one codependent to another, it goes a long way. It's almost like what you mentioned about arming yourself against yourself. I have to honestly say that when I look in the mirror and start telling myself nice things like, "I am of value to this world/society", "I am a beautiful child of God and he loves me", "if God the all almighty loves me and thinks I am worth it, who am I to deny this". I feel that it is somewhat physiological, you're basically phyching yourself into a better state of mind, but it works for me. And don't feel guilty for leaving him, he should be the one that feels guilty for hurting you and treating you the way he did. you will find the right guy that will treat you with the love and respect that you truly deserve. Always remember there is nothing so wrong that you could have done to deserve to be treated the way he treated you, NOTHING. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers when I go to church this morning. Stay up and remember you ARE worth it and you ARE a beautiful person. :ghug3