I'm a little confused. If the man he is when sober is so wonderful, why would he try and hide from himself behind drink? Doesn't really make a lot of sense to me now, but this was something I would say to XAH on a regular basis.
I know you're a long time lurker - have you read
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...otential.html? I think your husband does have a point. You're not accepting that he is an alcoholic, that the alcohol soaked part of him is as much him as the sober part.
You're both at a stalemate and nothing is going to change till someone does something different. He says he is happy as he is and you seem well aware you're in denail about his alcoholism and neither of you are willing to make a change.
Have you read Under the Influence? This book, along with Codependenet No More, really shook up my perception of myself and my XAH and, finally, things did change. "Nothing changes if nothing changes" became my mantra. My life at that point had become so miserable that I needed to do something. I feel that I didn't 'give up' on my marriage but I did give up on being a miserable codependent. I got serious about MY recovery.
Finally, welcome and thanks for coming out of the shadows!!