Thank you for all your kind replies!
To introduce myself, I'll share my story in a nutshell - I'm a 54 year old woman who has been married for 35 years. My husband and I were social drinkers for 25 years or so. In the last decade, his social drinking has developed into alcoholism. Due to the fact that I know the difference and it hasn't always been this way, I'm having a really difficult time in accepting it. And an even harder time living with it!
I never drink anymore; I'm sure it's a psychological issue. I used to enjoy it, when we were out at a social event or whatever, but now it literally gags me. So it's another (in a long line) of issues which I have a lot of anger about...he's ruined it for me.
He's finally accepted the fact that he is, in fact, an alcoholic...it took a long time for him to admit it. But he has no plans to do anything about it; as he likes himself when he's loaded. He tells me that I need to accept him for who he is. I tell him no, HE needs to accept himself for who he is...who he TRULY is - the man I fell in love with and lived with for 25 years, not the one who hides behind his booze.
I've nearly given up a gazillion times, but when he's straight it's so good and we have such a good time together...for he is my best friend. And we do still have lots of good times. But I know it's progressive...that's the saddest and scariest part of all.
It's just such a roller-coaster. And never knowing which husband is going to show up on a daily basis is difficult. When it's the "wrong" one, I just isolate myself and try to keep away from him. I've learned (the hard way) to not attempt any sort of discussion or conversation with him when he's been drinking.
I have, of course, become such a codie. (And yes, I have read Melody Beattie's books!) I've set boundaries. I've learned how to detach (had huge difficulties with that). I've been to Al-Anon, off and on, throughout the years...the last time I went (a couple of months ago) everyone at the meeting (including myself) spent the whole session in tears, as one of the long-term members had killed herself the evening before...it was shattering, and I haven't made it back since. But I will.
Of course there's much more to it all, and I will share as I make my way along.
So I live my life...one day at a time...and come to SR for my daily inspiration.
Thank you again, everyone.
XXOO