^^^^^^^^^
What goldengirl said.
Not everyone who finds this board is going to be immediately in that "serene" place in their recovery, where they are past the point of needing to point the finger at their exA. People come here in PAIN. They need to vent. And they have a right to take whatever road to their recovery that is right for them, in their own time. They also have a right to start threads that help them do this. If a thread is offensive, then take what YOU need and leave the rest! Or don't! But there is a good chance that someone else WILL find it helpful!
I think it is incredibly dismissive to a new member to finger- wag at them, and make them feel as if they are doing it all "wrong" if they start a thread that is about their need to vent, or point a finger, make fun of their alcoholic--WHATEVER. It is all about processing THEIR pain, and the start of finding THEIR true path to recovery---which is learning to put the focus back on THEMSELVES--and usually the more senior members here can help do that, by guiding, and the sharing of experience.
Who here really thinks that a person who has been so consumed by the madness of living with their alcoholic is just going to suddenly, magically KNOW how to take the focus off their A and put it on themselves? Show me one codie who automatically and immediately knew how to do that, after months, years, DECADES even of directing all their mental and emotional energy to someone else. I can assure you all, I was MUCH less than charitable about my ex when I first found my way to these boards! It was a process, a learning to focus on ME, to know that I was worthy of all the time and attention I had wasted on him. And I vented! Oh, you bet I did! And the folks here showed me kindly that my focus was on the wrong person--but they still respected my need to vent!
It just smacks of the codie need to control when someone is basically told "I think this is wrong, so stop it!". Wrong for whom, exactly? Wrong for the person wanting the OP to stop? Or wrong for the OP, who obviously saw a need within herself to start this thread in order to seek some validation from the folks on the friends and family forum? Who's trying to control whom here?
This really has triggered me, and I am P*SSED. Stepping away now!