I was in a similar situation with my wife while she was drinking. While we stayed living together I did divorce her so I would not be responsible for her debts going forward. She resisted, but I didn't give her a choice. Ultimately she capitulated, we distributed the debt in the divorce paperwork (and I took most of it). I closed all shared accounts and completely separated all of our finances.
It would also make you a single mother with five kids in the eyes of the tax authority. There may be advantages to that. There were for my wife in our state.
I still call her my wife, and she still calls me her husband. Spiritually and in terms of our committment to one another nothing has changed except that legally she is now fully responsible for all of her debts. We have no shared bills whatsover beyond our rent and utility bills. Her bills are her bills, mine are mine, and we rarely discuss money.
Just because I love her doesn't mean I have to trust her. While a monogamist, and having been with the same woman for 12 years despite our insanity, I will probably never legally marry again for financial reasons. As much as I believe any consenting adult should be able to marry any other consenting adult, I don't see why they would ever want to do such a thing. Legal divorce rocks!
Take care,
Cyranoak
P.s. My daughter has been asking about emancipation because she and her mom fight all the time. She dropped it completely when I offered to help her because I would no longer be responsible for her financially. My enthusiasm for the project really put the brakes on it. If she brings it up again I'm playing it cool. So close... I was so close!
Originally Posted by
SarahG 
I feel like a complete fool, because I totally refused to see this until a few days ago. Look up a definition of "DENIAL" in the dictionary, and there's a big picture of me.
I'm an ACOA, and I've always known that. Here's a bit of my story:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-now-what.html
So what's the surprise? I've always known my husband has poor impulse control when it comes to money. The (flashing, neon) signs were all there, for years: he's a spending addict. He has taken $$ from previous employers (and been convicted of theft), charged mountains of credit card debt ($70k), and spent and spent and spent, while I buy the kids' clothes from secondhand stores and hang laundry to save money.
*sigh*
So here I am, pregnant with #5, working on my second degree (so that I can get a job to dig us out of this mess.) What do I do? I know that no one can answer that but me. I can't leave him - how could I get a job, pregnant, in this economy? My children have never been in daycare.
There is a Debtor's Anon weekly meeting in our city. He's going. He says that he knows what he's done was wrong. He says he feels guilt and shame. He says that when he spends (charges), he's numb, that he's out of control, that it's purely on impulse. He knows while he's doing it that it's wrong, but does it anyway.
This is like a bad nightmare that I just want to wake up from. I am so alone, and so angry, and so scared. And I feel like a Class A fool.