oi vey, this thread speaks to me.
XAH was horrible with money. Or rather, he was talented at stealing and spending money. He had been convicted and jailed for embezzlement in the States and never repaid his restitution.
When we first dated, he would borrow a 20$ here and there, but would repay me. Because we moved so fast into our relationship, I soon found myself spending money on furniture for his sons, clothing for him, food for us all, rent for us all. I thought money was plentiful (I was a stripper), but the spending soon caught up to us.
My mistakes:
I gave him access to my bank account and ATM card since he couldn't get one due to lack of ID (DOH)
I helped him get his first credit card.
I gave him "an allowance" which he bitterly complained wasn't enough (140$ a week!)
I paid for everything (rent, food, utilities, outings for the kids, etc)
I put his cell phone on my plan (DOH)
I let him convince me to spend spend spend (because there was more where that came from).
I bought him booze, cigarettes, a computer, video games, computer games, clothing, anything his little heart desired.
Whenever he made any money with his photography, I let him spend it however he wanted because he convinced me that he "deserved" it
I let him convince me that credit ratings weren't important and that we were "above the law" (all the while he used my credit to spend)
My biggest mistake:
I didn't leave him after he took 3K I had painstakingly stashed away in a locked box at the bank, holding it hostage, telling me I couldn't afford to leave him without the money. I never saw it again.
It took me several months after our separation to get things straightened out (bargaining with credit bureaus and lawyers to pay off debts he put in my name). My credit rating still hasn't recovered yet.
The codie in me strongly advises you to keep tabs on your H's spending, however, I wonder if at some point you won't get tired of being the Money Police. For me, lack of financial responsibility and independence has become a deal breaker.