Welcome to the family!
I too handed over my family's finances to my AXH (Alcoholic ex husband) while I was traveling back and forth to a neighboring state and caring for my mother. MISTAKE!
I can tell you what happened to our finances:
He forged my name on convenience checks from my creditors.
He sold a car that he purchased with a convenience check, but failed to repay the debt.
He only paid the minimum on my cards, but paid down his accounts.
After my mother's death and my grieving, I picked up the check book. OUCH!
I cut him off.
I closed any joint accounts we had.
I opened my own checking and savings account.
I took away his credit cards. Put them in a ziploc filled with water and put them into the freezer. (Codie alert)
He thawed them out.
I cut them up.
He got a P O box at the post office.
He opened new accounts and had the mail forwarded to his PO box
He used his new credit cards like ATM cards and kept getting cash out on his credit cards.
I didn't arrive in that mess overnight. I didn't extract myself from that mess instantly. I had to start taking baby steps.
It is tricky seperating finances that were once combined. It can be done.
I recommend letting him be responsible for his finances, but protecting your family budget from relapses. example: if he over spends - he allowance is affected not the family grocery budget.
I agree that Alanon will help you gain tools for your future.
I am also going to send a link of steps that have helped us in dealing with active alcoholism. You can tweek the steps for your situation.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html