Hello SarahG, I'm glad to see you're getting around the rest of SR
I am so sorry you are going thru this hardship. It must be awful.
and no, you are _not_ a "fool". A fool is one that _never_ overcomes denial, than _never_ takes action to improve their lives. You are clearly the opposite of a fool. Working on a second degree with 4 kids and another on the way? You have my respect and admiration.
I'm glad your husband is going to Debtors Anonymous, it's a very strong program here in my part of the world. The spouses are welcomed in al-anon because an addiction to debt is just as damaging to a relationship as any other addiction.
As far as I can tell, the nightmare would be if you _never_ got out of denial, and never took any action. It seems to me that you have woken up from the nightmare, and that now you have the opportunity to make a new life for you, and your kids, and your husband if he chooses to get into recovery.
You're not alone, besides the tens of thousands of members of SR, you have _millions_ of members of al-anon that are just waiting for you to show up at a meeting. There's a lot of them that are feeling pretty scared and alone too, as I once felt when my marriage fell apart.
Discussion boards? You are most welcome right here on SR. The pain we go thru when a loved one is addicted is the same, the details of the addiction are minor. The concepts of "boundaries", "recovery", "one day at a time" are all the same. Spouses of alkies separate their finances, get their own checking account, etc. etc. That's the same for spouses of gamblers, druggies, or Debt-aholics.
We're all here for you
Mike