I feel like a complete fool, because I totally refused to see this until a few days ago. Look up a definition of "DENIAL" in the dictionary, and there's a big picture of me.
I'm an ACOA, and I've always known that. Here's a bit of my story:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-now-what.html
So what's the surprise? I've always known my husband has poor impulse control when it comes to money. The (flashing, neon) signs were all there, for years: he's a spending addict. He has taken $$ from previous employers (and been convicted of theft), charged mountains of credit card debt ($70k), and spent and spent and spent, while I buy the kids' clothes from secondhand stores and hang laundry to save money.
*sigh*
So here I am, pregnant with #5, working on my second degree (so that I can get a job to dig us out of this mess.) What do I do? I know that no one can answer that but me. I can't leave him - how could I get a job, pregnant, in this economy? My children have never been in daycare.
There is a Debtor's Anon weekly meeting in our city. He's going. He says that he knows what he's done was wrong. He says he feels guilt and shame. He says that when he spends (charges), he's numb, that he's out of control, that it's purely on impulse. He knows while he's doing it that it's wrong, but does it anyway.
This is like a bad nightmare that I just want to wake up from. I am so alone, and so angry, and so scared. And I feel like a Class A fool.