Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
I cannot describe the feeling of relief I got when I stopped caring whether he drank or not, whether he went to the doctor or not, whether he was "getting it" or not. It took a lot of pain and suffering before I got to that point, but man, what a difference. I still remember the day in couples counseling he said "you're not going to tell me what to do," and I said "you're a big boy, you do what you want, I will do what I need to do." That was a pivotal moment for me, and a shock for him.
I complained for the longest time how everything was always about him. Looking back, I was part of the reason. I MADE it all about him. When I stopped, my life took a sharp turn for the better.
L
This is soooo right! ^^^^^
I put my xabf up on a pedestal, made it all about him. We did what he wanted to do, listened to music he liked, watched movies and tv he wanted, went were he wanted, didn't have friends over cos he didn't want company, kept the curtains closed all day because the light hurt his hung over eyes, bought him the best of food and everything else was cheap because we'd spent so much of expensive food for him that there wasn't much left for anyone else...and of course there was ALWAYS money for smokes and booze...didn't matter if we needed bread or milk or cat food...the cash was for his alcohol.
For a while that was ok...I don't know why really. But when it became "not ok", then of course they're gonna be "what about me?!" because for a while it was all about them and it was like that to begin with because I allowed it to be.
Detaching saved my sanity. Ignoring him moaning and groaning about how much he deserved and doing things for myself, changing things that I could change made me happier. Eventually I stopped caring what he did as long as he left me alone.
Acdirito, what do you hope to gain by insisting your OH have a physical and individual therapy?