I have trouble sleeping at night knowing that potentially her life is at risk, by the very manner in which she drinks - as if she's trying to kill herself.
She is not trying to kill herself. She IS killing herself. She has a Higher Power, her life or death are not in your hands.
Perhaps "Codependent no more" by Melody Beatty may help? also "The Grief club" is an excellent book.
May I add after horrible things happened, xabf is drinking the same as usual {or worse- even in the same bar. Had I stayed I would have been restless another 2 years while he essentially parties and does what he does. This person told me he was planning to drink until his last day on this planet. After 2 years of reading many stories here, I believe most addicts have the same intent in mind. We could die waiting for a miracle that won't happen. Can that be called living at all... at what cost would that be??
Our happiness is important. In fact it is essential we achieve the goals we have set for ourselves -balance, health, tranquility- because that is how the world heals. Thinking I am "less-than" has set me up for suffering. Believing I matter and can create positive changes for myself, brings me to a place of power where what others think and do has NO EFFECT over my ability to face the present moment and why not, enjoy it, taking it as it is -MY experience of life, so unique and precious - unlike any other. That my friend is self respect and self love and a whole new way of living, at least for me, that I am very glad to be discovering.
We deserve a real chance for happiness and true love. We can sing songs that have no ending... that is the best way that I can put it.
PS There are many other women with whom you could have true relationships with and won't bring madness with them.