Hi Nicam. This is what I'm trying to work out too. What I understand is the twelve steps is a program we can work through Al-Anon and ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics). (I wish there was an ACoA program near where I live because it seems it may be a good fit for me. Is there one near you?). I go to Al-Anon when I can and I get a lot out of going to AA meetings too. I was surprised because I related to so much of what I heard in AA. There was part of me thinking, at least they know what's wrong with them and there's a way for them to recover, but what am I? I want to get better too, but where do I start? Then I started to realise, I have the spiritual malady too; the disappointments, resentments, frustrations, depression. I've never felt comfortable in my own skin. I feel hope when I go to AA because there are sober people there who have peace, serenity and happiness in their lives. I want some of what they have!
What I've realised is that alcohol is a symptom of a spiritual and emotional malady. This came home to me when I discovered the Laundry List on the ACoA site. It says something like, as children of alcoholics, we marry alcoholics, become alcoholics or both. It also says something like, we become para-alcoholics. We take on the characteristics of the alcoholic without picking up the drink. What an eye-opener! Adult Children have a big red book and workbook which you can order from the World Service Organisation. I haven't ordered it yet, but it sounds good. Other than that, all I can say is that I'm learning to love and accept myself where I am right now and I'm attempting to do nice things for myself.
It sounds like you're on the right track. You're here on SR and you're attending Al-Anon. Because I'm relatively new to 12 step recovery myself, I'm not sure what else to say except there are others on here who have a lot more recovery under their belts and I'm sure you'll (we'll) get some more insight into the process of recovery from their experiences and wisdom. Take care.
