There were multiple times in my marriage I threatened to leave if he didn't quit drinking. And there were multiple times he quit--to get me off his back. I think the longest was four months. OMG, what a miserable four months that was. I was on edge the whole time wondering if (when) he would drink again, and he was angry and resentful of me for taking away his "good times." Yuck.
I cannot describe the feeling of relief I got when I stopped caring whether he drank or not, whether he went to the doctor or not, whether he was "getting it" or not. It took a lot of pain and suffering before I got to that point, but man, what a difference. I still remember the day in couples counseling he said "you're not going to tell me what to do," and I said "you're a big boy, you do what you want, I will do what I need to do." That was a pivotal moment for me, and a shock for him.
I complained for the longest time how everything was always about him. Looking back, I was part of the reason. I MADE it all about him. When I stopped, my life took a sharp turn for the better.
L