It appears you may be a double-winner. Get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting and keep an open mind. It's highly likely you'll hear stories that resonate with you at a high level. Much like AA, not every meeting is the same, so try six different meetings before you decide if it is for you.
In my opinion your recovery is the single most important thing for you. Without your recovery you will have nothing. If that means cutting her out of your life so be it. My wife accused me of abandoning her all the time when she was actively using, when what I was really doing was protecting myself and/or our daughter.
Lastly, I believe that when an alcoholic chooses to take that very first drink they are the ones doing the abandoning, not others. There is no middle ground. There is just doing what you think is right, and doing what you think is wrong. I know it's not always easy, and I've changed my mind in the past about what I think is right and wrong, but when there is no choice but to make a decision "right now," I always choose what I think is correct at that particular time, and try to learn from the result/consequence.
Her recovery, or not, is her responsibiltiy completely and not yours at all-- even slightly. Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
P.s. I swear to God I will never marry again under any circumstances, and I'll run like hell the moment I find out she's an addict of any kind (including eating disorders). Never again.
Originally Posted by
ebarash 
I posted a little while back. A woman I met in early sobriety has gone out, literally the day after she got six months. It was seemingly a healthy relationship at the time. She was working her program and I was working mine (I currently have 11 months).
She's been drinking on and off for the past 3 weeks. The hardest part is I love her dearly. I feel like I knew this woman (when sober), but now, she's become a different person. For the first week I took care of her (I'm new to the concepts of Al Anon). She acted terribly and I didn't speak with her for 10 days. Then she duped me to coming over to her place under the guise of making amends - when I got there, she was drunk. This has become a trend - her reaching out to me when she's not sober. What do I make of it?
She continues to call, but lately I haven't been taking her calls (or returning them) She's a real alcoholic. That is, she drinks as if she's trying to kill herself. I really worry that if left alone, that's what might end up happening. I understand the concepts of detachment and enabling, but doing absolutely nothing is really hard. I witnessed the horror and madness at her place when she was alone drinking. Am I doing the right thing by completely ignoring her? Is there some middle ground, where I don't feel like I'm completely abandoning her?
Any suggestions would be much appreciated.....