I know I have a long way to go in my recovery, just as he does in his. I admit it's tricky to not get pulled back in. Bernadette, you totally make sense - detaching is better. I did react to his "excuse". Maybe he will justify this to himself and others, but I don't have to react or really care either way. I can just go to mediation and figure out how to best keep the kids safe. Unfortunately sharing children does make it impossible to have no contact with him, but I have to learn to do the best I can to keep it just to the kids.
On the positive side none of this affects me like it used to when he lived with us. If I could deal with all of that then this should be a piece of cake
Thank you for your input and support. It's good to have a place to vent where people actually have an idea of how awful this disease can be!