Goldengirl, I understand the type of childhood you had and how it continues to affect you now. I'm almost 40 and I've repeated the nightmare of my childhood into adulthood. That's great you've found a good, supportive counsellor. And you're right, when you grow up with abuse, it's not so easy to change patterns that have been programmed into your brain, into your psyche. I'm just so happy for you that you're starting the healing process young (I'm guessing you're young?). Now, because I've reached my rock bottom and because I thought I'd done so much healing on myself (but was in likelihood, just suppressing the pain even more and distracting myself with partners like my parents), I'm going back to basics. I need to learn how to love and accept myself and re-parent myself because I didn't get any love as a child, no affection, no kind words ever. Only verbal and physical bashings. All the best to you Golden in your healing process...you're worth it and worthy of love and respect.