...he's an alcoholic. End of story. You can't be surprised or confused that he replicated his behavior with his wife with you? He'll likely do it again with the next gal unless he finds recovery.
To your sex question, I found it impossible to be attracted to a drunk. My wife would question my manhood, call me fat (irony alert!), and imply the problem was with me. Anything to take the focus off of her. The idea that I was simply not attracted to her drunk and when I was angry and stressed all the time, couldn't make it through her soaking brain. When I was younger it had a mind of it's own, but in my 40's it's connected to my brain.
After her prolonged sobriety I am attracted to her again. Funny, everything works fine now. Hmmm.
Cyranoak
P.s. What's wrong with man boobs? You try being a 40-something ex-athlete and see what happens to your pecs. Oh, wait...
Originally Posted by
goldengirl3 
I recently ended my relationship with my Alcoholic boyfriend of 4.5 years. I'm still trying to come to terms with everything that happened. He had started drinking more towards the end of his 15 year marriage, she left and then I came along about two years later. And throughout our relationship, the drinking gradually got worse.
At the end of the relationship, our s*x life was pretty mechanical. I kept telling him that something needed to change. He kept insisting that it was how we always were. It's like he wasn't there in mind, spirit or anything. He became extremely lazy. He expected to just lay there and me do all the work. This is not the person I knew. I really don't think this was just withdrawing from the relationship. The night I left him, he was curled up in the fetal position in his bed...upset that I did not want to have s*x with him. Of course he was drunk...we hadn't had sober s*x in years. His body of course had more weight on it from never giving it a break from all the calories. He has a football player build. But this last year of our relationship, his pecks had become small man-b**bs which I read can happen to an alcoholic. On top of his reactions, behavior and emotional abuse and the things going on with his body...I certainly was not turned on anymore. I felt terrible about that and confused, but I just wasn't interested anymore.
I felt like his spirit was just "not there" in general anymore. Not just the bedroom. But altogether.
We used to do social sports or go out and do things. He used to golf at least...I don't think he golfed once in the last year. Our evenings had become getting home by 6 so that he could sit on the couch and pass out by 7. My friday nights were spent watching tv by myself while he passed out. And the weekends were worse...he wanted to start drinking by 11 and pass out by 4 or 5 to wake up and drink some more.
One person posted a description of her "dry drunk" husband on here. My ex has the exact same personality traits.
Is that pretty typical of an alcoholic as the disease progresses? Would anyone care to share their bedroom stories?
I have found this entire experience confusing.