Ok to answer the question of why she was kicked out, the partner also has an abuse problem although it was more drugs plus alcohol. She is a highly functioning abuser and thinks drinking is part of having fun.She was against AA and she found someone who was "more fun".
The suggestion that was helpful is not telling the other daughter anything . She always asks and wants updates. Too late for me to do that though.The controlling label comes from long history. When she comes for a visit she plans everything for the entire family from menus to activities for everyone and what her nephews should wear and how they should cut their hair. If she wants a picnic the sun had better shine or she will throw a tantrum. Everyone (extended family,cousins, etc) gets stressed when a visit is planned.The family here says let her go, she only causes stress and strain.I have already lost a child from a car accident. I don't want to lose her this way.