you accept and respect 1 daughter's decision to live in a place she cannot afford and to ask for your financial help to pursue her career. You stay out of her decisions, and cheer on her triumphs, believe her interpretation of her life, accept, applaud and defend her choices in life even though you would not want to make the same ones.
Can you accept and respect the other daughters decision to live in a way that limits her contact with people whose actions she finds painful? can you accept that she sees things differently (she may have different informaiton as others have stated), and cheer on her triumphs, beleive her interpretation of her life accept, applaud and defend her choices in life even though you would not want to make the same ones?
If not, why?
addicts can be charming beggars can't they? even recovered addicts can bathe you in sunshine, they can be easier to love, with their winning smiles, quirky approach to life, devil-may-care about the boring responsibilities of life than those spiky, rigid, boring, bitter, tried their best to do everything right codies. Perhaps especially when they come back to us, the prodigal child, especially if you already identify more with the former one (the connection of artists).
now I don't feel I have a choice
yes you do, own the choice you are making.
I am trying to help her live,literally not to die
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erm, perhaps, it reads more like you are trying to maintain her choice to stay in NY to further her career, be near firends in AA in a way that will not impact her health. That is a vastly different thing.
f course rage directed at you is unnaceptable, however understandable, can you understand why other daughter might feel enraged? or in pain? I can imagine an enormous amount of pain is needed to cut off contact with her family. If you can't recognise this, why can you understand artists daughter's feelings, but not other daughter's? She is allowed to feel and express anger, and to seperate herself from behaviour she believes is toxic or is painful for her, whatever your feelings about that.
I would express to her that you love her, can see that she is angry and are sad that she feels she needs to distance herself, but respect that she needs to do this, and will, always hold hope and love for her. I would say that are happy with your decisions as they currently stand towards artist daughter, and you do not feel you have to explain or defend them. However if she wants to discuss anything, your door/ear/heart is always open.