Thank you guys and freedom I have that book! After I left him, I went to a few Coda meetings, I realized this was a problem for me, but like a idiot I stopped going. My depression at the time grew so great it was hard to function. The meetings left me feeling strong though and regret it now
As for Al anon I am excited to go. I went to one before in a different town, again when I left him, but again didn't go back. I guess I have to learn more so that it is his recovery, and I need to be in mine. I just dont want the relationship to fail, I do love him very much. But again, you guys are right, what am I getting out of it? The few moments they are good? Maybe it is his desire for the need for me.. I dont know, I know I have things to work on, especially after years of being in this relationship, again I teeter on the fear of losing him and the relationship.
I feel pathetic.