Cyranoak

...especially when it isn't something I want to hear, if I'm not ready to hear it, if it's not soft enough for me, if it comes from somewhere I can't or don't understand, if I'm feeling jealous or resentful that they seem to know something I don't, or if I think they don't know enough about me to be making such a judgement. It's just that you are still talking a whole lot more about him than you are about yourself, and that sets off warning flags for those of us with a lot of recovery under our belts (for me that means practicing Al-Anon since 2003, no fewer than 2 meetings per week).

In my opinion it's about you. Your recovery. Your desire to be happy regardless of whether or not he is in a program, drinking, or doing anything else. It is clear from your most recent post that you are still very much on his side of the fence. You are talking about him, what he has to do, how he responded, his recovery, how you can change his behavior, etc. What about you? It's about you, not him. I don't care about him here. I don't need to hear about him here. He is responsible for him, his life, and his recovery. I care about you.

You will hear often on this board to worry about your side of the fence, and not his. There is a reason for that. If you don't break this habit, in my opinion, you may never be able to have a lifetime relationship with anybody, alcoholic or not.

I've said this to you before and I'll say it again-- get thee to an Al-Anon meeting. Many, many Al-Anon meetings. It may not do a damn thing for him, but I guarantee your life will be better after committed engagement to Al-Anon than it is now. It won't guarantee a happy ending, you'll just feel better than you do now.

Take what you want and leave the rest.