...but I agree with many of the others that we could argue all day about whether or not they are actually inappropriate. IMO they are natural given what you have experienced. It's more about how you handle those thoughts, and any guilt you may be feeling because of them.
I don't feel quilty about my thoughts like yours, just sad, and I've wished my wife and step-father dead many times. I love them both, they are good people when sober and they are both in a period of sustained sobriety right now, but the pain they cause with their drinking naturally brings angry and resentful thoughts to me, as does my constant worry they will drink again (sometimes more worried than others).
Having said all of that, my best friend and the best man at my wedding was also an alcoholic, and he is now dead from his disease. I miss him, but I don't miss the drama and pain at all. His death did in fact make my life a little better and more serene, primarily because I did not replace him with another alcoholic. Thank God for Al-Anon or I'm sure I would still be collecting alcoholics. I believe he is now at peace, though I can't prove it.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
nicam 
My mother has been an alcoholic/addict for as long as I can remember, never recovered, never worked a program. We older kids grew up in foster care, and now my little half brother from mom's second marriage is about to face a similar situation. My aunt payed my mom a surprise visit and found her laying in bed, in her own ****, unable to talk or move. She had been like that for 3 weeks straight according to my brother, drunk and high, and hadn't showered in god knows how long. My aunt's taking my brother to live with her, poor kid.
After learning about this today I can't help but wish my mom would just die already. Isn't that horrible? It's not the first time I've thought it either. I don't really mean it, and I feel so guilty about these thoughts. Has anyone experienced something like this after so many years of a loved one slowly killing themselves? Oi vey...I feel so bad.