we don't know lynnmarie well enough to know her instincts-- there is no way for you to know if her instincts are sound, though they may be. They may also be like mine and, if so and if she follows them, I sure hope she has the opposite experiences I have had. My pure instincts around helping almost always lead me down the wrong road. Today, what I try to do when I feel an instinct telling me to do or not do something is simply pause, think about it, put it in an Al-Anon context, then make a decision and hope for the best.
It's never easy for me to figure out a healthy level of support and helping for my wife and daughter. I struggle with it almost always, and frequently question the decisions I make right after I make them. Nonetheless, I have to make them, including if I should attend my wife's hearings (which I did and I'm glad I did), bail her out (which I did not and I'm glad I did not), buy her a car (which I did and don't regret), pay her insurance and maintenance on said car (which I did and now regret).
It's never easy, and I agree with your post in that you infer before we give actual advice or make blanket statements we really should know people better, but that includes the blanket statement to always trust your instincts.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
--Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
Daybreak 
Your instincts are more sound than anyone here on this board who does not know you and does not know your daughter. You hang around here long enough and you'll discover a good many posters advise you do act as they themselves are not actually acting.