hi jackthedog-
well, i just read all of your posts. from what you have described, your AH is abusing both pot and alcohol. it also sounds like he goes to his friend's house to watch football matches and then drives home?
he wants to parent his son, who some nights he doesn't even say hello to. the times you have left your son in his care, he has left the boy with friends and then was unable to pick him up with no explanation.
he has delayed having his son after the move because he wanted to go fishing for the weekend.
it doesn't sound as if he is fit to care for your son, imho. due to past events, there is a good chance that he could endanger your son by drinking and driving, or driving under the influence of marijuana.
as much as i like the "text me x" plan, i don't know if a 13 year old boy will by savy enough to know if he's been drinking or smoking, unless he is fall down drunk.
i think if it was me, i'd start to play hardball. the boy is safer with you at home. i would stop trying to accommodate dad and state that it is too disruptive to the son to be juggle back and forth, you want him to live at home with you and he can spend time with him on the weekends.
you've got an ace up your sleeve with the marijuana use. you might not be able to prove alcoholism, but you can prove drug use. a hair sample will prove that, even if he hasn't used in a while. however, it sounds to me like he's a pot-head since he wanted to grow it in the basement and you found his stash, even tho he denies having any.
i think it would be good to clue in your son. he's 13. it would be good to have his cooperation...if he sees his father drinking or smoking he is not to get in a car with him. period.
i would render a guess that now that he's out of your home, he's hitting the drugs and alcohol more in the evenings.