Michelle70,
A southern gal!! I'm from South Carolina!
First of all, thank you so much for telling me your story. I appreciate it so very, very much. It definitely helps to put things in perspective. Your wisdom, honesty and generosity are so comforting and reassuring. Your daughters are lucky to have a mama like you.
Boy does it take a huge weight off of my shoulders to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Thanks, to all of y'all, for your support and good will.
I had a conversation with the BF last night- I only cussed 3 times and did not raise my voice! I stayed calm and tried to address his drinking AT LEAST three times, but each time he either a) answered my question with a question or b) subtly changed the subject. It was maddening, but I held my ground. In other words, I did not offer to 'work on it' or 'go to therapy' or 'try to control my emotions'. In the past I have always assumed responsibility for mending the damage after one of our fights. That obviously doesn't work for us (or any couple, does it?). We are not seeing eye to eye, but, for once, I am at peace with that. I don't have to 'make' him understand my POV. If he gets it, he gets it. If he doesn't, so be it.
We did not make a decision on whether we will break up, take a break, or stay together. Besides dealing with my father's death, this is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. But, I do have faith that even though I know I will make the right decision for me, it might not happen in one or two days. This may take a while! I have to stay focused on what will make me happy, not what will placate him or serve as another bandaid.
Taking it one day at a time... make that one minute at a time. And lots of deep breaths.
I hope you are having a fabulous Wednesday, Michelle70.