The first is that I highly recommend you go to six or more in-person Al-Anon meetings in the next two weeks. If you don't like one you've attended, try another. Sometimes people use these forums to avoid having to see people face-to-face or because they are isolated or isolating. I'm not saying you are doing this, but I can say that in my experience there is something to be experienced at an in-person meeting that simply can't be matched online. I see value in both in-person meetings and on-line forums-- together they are very powerful. Alone they help, but not at the same level.
Secondly, the fact that you cannot control your anger and behavior when drinking suggests he may not be the only one with a drinking problem, or that you may be drinking in order to handle his drinking (I did that-- highly ineffective for me). Perhaps not, but consider that it may be true.
Thirdly, it appears crystal clear from your post that you are trying to control him and his behavior, both overtly and passive agressively. In my opinion it is unlikely to result in anything other than increased anger and resentment-- on both of your parts.
Fourth, end the endless talks and they will end. Continue the endless talks and they'll be endless. Have they ever changed anything? Ever?
Lastly, get thee to an Al-Anon meeting.
This is, of course, just my opinion. Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak-
P.s. I don't wish what you are experiencing on anybody. I lived your scenario for a long time, but was in denail a lot longer. Well done figuring out something a little sooner.
Originally Posted by
craven 
I would repress that little voice until I couldn’t hold it in any longer (my fault, I know). All that was bottled up would come rushing out in anger, usually triggered by something pretty inconsequential, and it usually also happens after I’ve had a few drinks (again, I know this is a problem of mine, so I really try to moderate my drinking, which has really, really helped me control my anger). I would try to explain to him how uncomfortable I was with his drinking. We would have endless talks about drinking, with him sometimes saying ‘yes, I could probably drink less’, but never really doing anything to change the amount that he chooses to drink.
It is important to point out that, yes, I drink too. As referenced above, when I drink too much there is a big chance that I will get angry. It’s not really that I’m ‘getting’ angry, the anger is already there. It’s just that when I’m sober I’m able to communicate my emotions/concerns/frustrations pretty well. But put a few beers in me, and I can go from being perfectly happy to absolutely irate in about 2 seconds. BF and I have talked about this ad nauseam. I went to a therapist, thus beginning my own journey of self-discovery. I probably have 15 self help books- and have gleaned at least one helpful nugget of wisdom from each one. I believe I am fairly self-aware. I have flaws, and I try to work with them. I am beginning to think that my anger is a fairly normal reaction to my being completely disgusted by BF’s abuse of alcohol. And, as long as he’s still abusing, I’m still going to be angry.