Welcome Midwestman. It sounds like you are moving in the direction of a safe and sane environment for yourself and your teenage son. I'm happy he has you so he can see what normal looks like.
Let us know how you are doing.
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is a great book. It helps you to recognize codependency. For me, it was a book that moved me from accepting an insane situation to knowing it was an insane situation that I needed to do something about.