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Old 10-31-2010, 07:20 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
rayofsunshine
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
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Originally Posted by myernie View Post
I want him to open up to me about his addiction but he hasn't yet. He has come close, talking about wanting to change his life, be the man he knows he can be, stay away from the "those people" but he has never came out with it.

I have decided that I am not calling him, not looking for him, not giving him money, buying his cigs or letting him use my vehicle anymore but I know that is only the first step. When he calls I'm sure I'll answer. When he shows up here I will open the door.
HI Myernie,

My ExAH's doc was meth also... the words you are hearing are him telling you what you want to hear.... whatever it takes to get you off his back.... so he can get back to going out and chasing the next high. With an addict, it's ACTIONS, not words, that count. His actions show he is an addict in active addiction... he's not ready to change yet.

As long as he has a nice warm bed to come home to, food on the table, someone giving him money as needed (or eventually he may steal it from your purse if you stop freely giving it), there's no reason for him to change.

Keep reading and posting here... you will learn so much about addiction and enabling and setting boundaries. Stick to those boundries you set. Boundaries are for saving your sanity and bringing peace back into your life. THey won't change the addict, but they will give him consequences if he breaks them and you no longer tolerate that behavior in your life.

One of my favorite quotes I learned here:
Definition of INSANITY: Doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.
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