Consequences have caught up with me...
I started the process of having the child support modified by the boy's father - and he retaliated with going for more custody. This weekend he has an extra 3 days and will every other week have 6 days. How did he get away with this? Well yes- he is entitled being their father and all ... but the real deal is that he went back and checked on the boy's lives back when I was with my addict bf. Over 2 years of school - those boys were tardy 30 times! My eldest son's grades were suffering and it was a constant worry. My mom would tell me - I was spending too much energy on my abf instead of my kids. MY MOM saw it... and yet I suppose I did, too - but I didn't want to believe it. You here at SR would talk about the damage being done to our children - but we don't see it when we are in it.
I am now suffering the consequence of my actions. God I want to hate him - but like the drug I hate - I hate the disease of co-dependency!
Lately, I've been feeling beat down and totally tore up - losing time with my children because of my life when in throws of that chaos... man it hurts. But I have realized now it's not anyone to hate ... it's the pieces now I have to pick up - and I can't be weak for this - I must be strong!
Suck it up - own it - and keep on moving forward!
~ Peace ~
Every day I use my recovery - I have to!