Originally Posted by
chicory 
Lexie,
I am reacting to my fears here. I am so afraid that he will die, due to not figuring out how to take care of his self. he would scoff at that,i know.
I may very well get a grip- i will be here, getting help and finding an aa or alanon meeting to deal with my issues.
right now, he is telling me that he hates me, that he hopes i burn in hell. guess that is his brain on alcohol talking. and fear talking. he is scared, and dreads the indignity of having to go to a shelter. talks about going to canada- quack, quack, quack.
i am just sick at my stomach today.
i am afraid that if i dont hear from him, that he is alive, i will not sleep with worry. how will i be able to do my job? he will probably punish me, by not letting me know if he is alive. i really do dread it.
i have to stay sane to work.
but maybe , with enough of that worry, i will let go. maybe i will just accept it, for what it is, and let go- just so i CAN stay sane.
hugs,
chicory
Which is worse...the pain of him staying or the pain of letting him go? You get to choose, you know.
If he were not your son, what would you choose? Are you 'expected' to put up with abuse and disrespect just because you share some genetic material?
And we've ALL been thru that "I hope you burn in hell" scenario... mine was only a few months ago. Today my son and I had a very nice lunch together and he's off to go camping with some friends. All is well in our little world. Things CAN change for the better...but CHANGE has to happen first.