Meth roller coaster
Hi everyone, I have been lurking a few days and finally decided to post.
Here is my story.
I am a single mother of 4 children. I met my current BF 6 years ago as I was coming out of my 10 year marriage. We started out as just friends and gradually became more. I knew he drank a lot and smoked pot but he was a good guy. He held a job, worked very hard, loved his kids......
About 2 years ago I found out he was "dabbling" in harder drugs but I had no idea what. He and his friends swore it was under control. They all held good jobs, went to work everyday so me being naive to the world of drugs thought all was ok.
About 6 months ago BF lost his job. After the loss of the job he began to lose everything, his house, vehicles..... I thought this was all due to the loss of his job and never in a million years thought it was drug related. Two months ago he came and told me he was moving in with his sister because he was losing his house. By the end of that day he moved in with me and my children. Since then it has been crazy. Before he lived me with me I didn't realize there were all night binges that went on for days and days! We go a week where he loves me and want to marry me to where he can't even look at me. He would drive my vehicle all over town and people would tell me I was crazy but I still let him do it. Gave him money, supported him.
He finally got a job a week ago and things were going really good at first. He went to work and came home. Called and checked in with me during the day. Then Monday night I was at the gas station and he stopped as he was passing by. Said he had to run to his friend's house for a few minutes and would be home. So excited I ran home. finished up dinner and waited. Fed the kids, put them in bed and waited some more. After waiting for 3 hours I called him. He said he wasn't doing anything wrong but his friend's dad had just died. We hung up. I waited more. At midnight I called again. He said he would come home and give me my vehicle back and take his. He did, then he left again. Didn't come home until 7am to get ready for work. The next day we talked twice on the phone but it was weird. He showed up at home around 10, ate, we talked and he left around 1130p. Said he would be home that night, he promised. Of course another broken promise. Showed up at 730am grabbed some clothes and went to work. Wednesday called at 10 asked me to bring him some clothes and I hung up on him. He showed up at 1am. We talked, he ate.....I was laying in bed and he came over, kissed me and said he was sorry he was hurting me. Left at 230 said he would be back and of course never came back. Yesterday he was in and out of my house all day. I could tell he was on the verge of crashing. Talked to him at 930p last night and he sounded so bad I couldn't understand him. Never heard from him again. At 630 am today I called, he said he fell asleep in the chair. What chair? I couldn't understand anything he said. Called him again at 930 and said he was busy and would call me right back. It is now 4 and I haven't heard from him.
I realize I have enabled him for a long time and I really believe I am co-dependent after reading all of this.
I am not sure yet what my next step is. His family and friends all tell me to kick him to the curb. My friends tell me to kick him out but I melt when I see him. I have no backbone with him. I know he is in there somewhere. He has never admitted to me that is on meth but a friend of his that used to do it with him told me.
I am just tired of losing sleep worried about him, crying, not be able to eat, not wanting to do anything. I know it is up to me to take my life back now but I need to know how.