Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
Just one other thought.
You keep talking about how hellish the worrying will be once he is out--that you won't sleep, that you will be suffering constantly.
May I suggest that you open your mind to the POSSIBILITY that you may learn to let go of your worries, that you may be able to live in peace even if he chooses not to? A lot of us thought we couldn't STAND being apart from our loved one--but gradually learned to appreciate the peace from not being in the middle of chaos every waking minute of the day. We gradually learned to take care of ourselves, regardless what our loved ones were doing.
If you consign yourself to a life of worry, fear, and suffering before he's even out the door, that's what you are likely to get. Keep moving forward with your own recovery.
Lexie,
I am reacting to my fears here. I am so afraid that he will die, due to not figuring out how to take care of his self. he would scoff at that,i know.
I may very well get a grip- i will be here, getting help and finding an aa or alanon meeting to deal with my issues.
right now, he is telling me that he hates me, that he hopes i burn in hell. guess that is his brain on alcohol talking. and fear talking. he is scared, and dreads the indignity of having to go to a shelter. talks about going to canada- quack, quack, quack.
i am just sick at my stomach today.
i am afraid that if i dont hear from him, that he is alive, i will not sleep with worry. how will i be able to do my job? he will probably punish me, by not letting me know if he is alive. i really do dread it.
i have to stay sane to work.
but maybe , with enough of that worry, i will let go. maybe i will just accept it, for what it is, and let go- just so i CAN stay sane.
hugs,
chicory
