Welcome to Sober Recovery! I am glad you have found us but sorry for why you had to.
I just feel so lost at how i can help,
Well, you can't 'help' him. This is definitely on him, just as it was on me and many others like us. What you can do, FOR YOU, is find some Al-Anon meetings, try at least 6 different ones, and work on you.
First the d
3 C's.
You didn't
Cause this.
You can't
Control this.
You can't
Cure this.
Then there are YOUR boundaries. Just what is and is not acceptable behavior to you. These are harder. Al-anon and this site will help you with that.
Stand back and 'watch' his actions, not the words that come out of his mouth.
Do not be surprised (although you will be) if and/or when he relapses. Relapse is part of the disease, not the recovery, and it takes some many 'tries' to find recovery.
Read all the 'stickies' at the top of this forum and read past posts, there is an awful lot of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) here!
Lastly, please continue to post and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,