cinnamngirl

yes that feeling sounds all too familiar. it took me 2 years from knowing what i have to do to actually doing it. i feel angry at myself for wasting years of my life. lost years that i cannot get back. well i try to tell myself that the lost time must be good for something, though i don't see it yet.

what finally worked for me (to make the right decision) is just picturing myself again and again without all the hassle, just being on my own and FREE. without bottles of beer constantly in my face (not literally of course).
and a staggering AB insisting he only had TWO beers.

the decision is tough. it is followed by a very emotional time, especially if your alcoholic partner doesn't want to let go. my AB will be moving out in a few weeks but still keeps telling me how much he loves me and that nobody will ever love me as much as he does. i think maybe he hasn't realized yet that this time it really is over.
but as the end is in sight i try to just emotionally distance myself and look forward to life without his beer, without tobacco all over the floor, being able to always choose which tv programme to watch, knowing that i won't be woken up when i go to bed and other little things like that.
no more walking on eggshells and just generally being happier and not influenced by somebody else's mood, be it aggressive, drunk-sentimental, argumentative or whatever.

i think the biggest thing that bothered me for the past 2 years is knowing that i was living a lie. i knew it wasn't right but i kept pushing that thought away. maybe then i was still too weak to deal with the break-up.

wishing you all the strength you need when you finally make the right decision and go through with it.