This guy is not the only man in the world. Get a "friend with rights" who is healthier. Better than that and less risky is a "friend with batteries". This guy is not the only source of pleasure. And what you are looking for is not in his arms or in his words or in his heart or in his.. lol. Nope. Nothing in there.
I read your ego talking but not your spirit. The ego wants to demonstrate, show, feel superior. Why? because you don't feel at peace with yourself yet. (happens to me, too... this lecture also goes for myself, just in case I came across as "holier than thou"!)
Once you start knowing how you truly are and realizing all your qualities and gaining more strength, your true spirit will start shining and there won't be a need for your ego to show or demonstrate anything to this guy or any other guy or living entity.
YOU will know. And that's enough. And some people will see it right away in your actions and your glance and the way you walk and the decisions you make. And some people will ignore you and never really see you. And the people that have danced the abuse dance and want to keep living in Misery Land will no longer be attracted to you. There is this invisible line they won't be able to cross.
THEN we can start talking about pleasure and joy, the one that is real and never ending and resides in the scent of a flower and feeling the sun shining in your shoulders, a tasty gourmet meal (or a hash brown potato!), at night when you feel the beat of your heart and why not, when having damn good sex with someone who is good at it AND cherishes you in all levels.... yes, by then you will be in a higher state of consciousness and the past will start fading, like a bad dream... ok in its place, a building stone and nothing more.
NO is a complete sentence. Why not pick a really nice place to have lunch with, invite a good friend you haven't seen for a long time, and ask the dish that looks the tastier TO YOU? and the drink you prefer, alcoholic or not?? a lunch where you can actually feel valued by yourself and have a true ally next to you, who is also willing to spend a good time and has NEVER EVER DONE HARM TO YOU, and won't do any harm to you in his or her life, because its just NOT who they are??
Those are the people you (and me) need to be having lunches with!!