If she wants to spend all her time and energy taking care of a grown man, let her. That is not your problem. Know this: She is not helping him, she is enabling him. Yes, she's creating a soft landing for him so that he can continue his bad behavior. Of course she is like this and of course you have been too. We are enablers. Check your thinking: How healthy is it? I understand completely wanting to write her a letter; that is part of the sickness. For me, I wanted to write the letter because I KNEW the version he was going to give his family would be all lies and stories blaming ME! Whatever you need to do, I suggest getting it over with as quickly as possible. The sooner he is out of your hair, and the sooner he is not telling you all his business, the faster you will get to peace and serenity.