I can relate to the place you are at. I was there a few years ago. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to hurt as much as I did. I wanted him to 'pay' for his poor choices. Why? I guess because I thought it would somehow make ME feel better, knowing he was suffering as much I was.
The truth is, nothing would have made me feel better. Whether he was suffering or living it up having a grand old time, I was still going to have to grieve my loss. Splitting up with someone you've been with a long time hurts. No way to get around that. Doesn't matter if he's doing great or awful....it still hurts. ((()))
L