I had to face my actions/reactions. The cycle kept repeating. I tried harder to control and anticipate the next binge, more of the same old same old.
I finally realized I needed a different tool.
I was holding tightly to a magnifying glass in one hand.
In the other I held tightly to the outcome I wanted to see.
I kept focusing on the alcoholic with my magnifying glass.
I held a death grip on my expected outcome.
The result?
Chaos, drama, loss of serenity.
This is what I decided to do. Get a new plan. A new outlook. I needed new tools. I came here and I also attended Alanon.
Now I hold a mirror in one hand. Keeping the focus on my side of the street. It is a 100 pound (heavy) mirror most days. But with my support group I am able to keep it polished and see the healthy details of my life.
In my other hand (the one tightly fisted to my expectations), I have opened my palm to receive possibilities I never considered. Got my HP (higher power) in charge of outcomes now!
Keep coming back. You will find your way!