You don't have a problem. You have a solution you don't like. You switched from drinking to your compulsion to this unhealthy relationship, which is like switching seats on the Titanic. Remember the 7t's ---take time to think the thing through. Active alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages. You don't have to be sick to want to get well, but if you don't want to get well, you
ARE sick. If you were my 35 year old son I would tell you to go camping and mountain climbing. You have a lot of negative energy running through your body that you need to release. There is an old adage that says idle hands are the tools of the devil. Keep active. If the concept of detachment scares you, don't think about detachment. It's only a word, afterall. Instead think of not having any contact with this active alcoholic just for today.
JUST FOR TODAY I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
JUST FOR TODAY I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
JUST FOR TODAY I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
JUST FOR TODAY I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
JUST FOR TODAY I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA