ebarash

I really hope there are some folks here that might be able to give me a little advice that gives me some relief, as I am really hurting.

I am a recovering alcoholic (10 months) and despite all the warnings from others in my program, I went ahead and got into a relationship with another newcomer. Perhaps I was completely blinded by her looks or I viewed it as an opportunity to truly open up and engage in an adult honest relationship. Either way, I jumped right in. Everything felt right. We were being honest with each other. Truthfully, I felt we were working our own individual programs, etc. For about 3 months, I grew closer to her than I had to any woman in my adult life (especially sober). Suffice to say, everything felt right.

About three weeks ago, I felt her somewhat pushing away. She was involved in some rather intensive trauma therapy, which brought out some serious resentments for the men in her life (especially her father). A little over a week ago, she made the decision to return home and visit her family and literally the day after she returned, she began drinking. First, it was under the guise of food poisoning, but finally I showed up at her place to find her completely passed out and in very bad shape. I stayed with her until she wasn't feeling ill anymore. A few days later, she reached out to me, as she was drinking heavily again. I love her, so of course I had to come to the rescue. I truly felt that I was coming from a place of love and selflessness. She expressed her appreciation and it felt genuine. I left her place in the morning, at the time she claimed she was contacting her sponsor. The next morning (because I felt something was off) I came over to her place, only to find her in bed with her ex-boyfriend.

It was truly the most traumatic experience I've experienced. I feel so betrayed (especially since she tried to spin the blame on me - for coming over there unannounced - and I had a key to her place!).

I have since spoken to many people in the AA program, with many different bits of advice. The consistent advice is to completely detach. I have been having the hardest time doing so. She has tried to call and text, but I have not responded, until yesterday. I sent her a text telling her I hoped she was doing ok, and that I was thinking about her. She didn't respond.

I'm really hoping someone can give me some words of wisdom. I'm having such a hard time coming to terms with how a relationship that was seemingly right and healthy, transformed into the scenario I've just described. I am also scared to death at just what she might have to tell me. I'm already hurting and don't know if I can handle any more heartache.

I'm really trying to get my arms around the situation. I am in disbelief that I was betrayed in such a manner.

I'm new to Al-Anon and am learning the concept of detachment, but It is so hard to do so in this case. I want desperately to engage with her and reconnect on some level (which I know is complete insanity). I really hope someone out there might give me some insight. It would be much appreciated.