Is it just me or does anyone else think that some of the replies to Sugardaddy's first post were a little harsh, especially considering he's new on the forum and is at the beginning stages of his own recovery, reaching out as it were?...I separated from my ADFH 15 months ago and the reality of my situation is only starting to sink in.
I've been angry, sad, scared, you name it. I've had the whole gamut of emotions. We who have stayed with our A partners, supported their attempts at recovery are often blamed because we're trying to 'fix' them and if we're not trying to 'fix' them we're 'enabling' them. We've often been shamed during our relationships with our partners who actively drink and also when we decide we've had enough.
It's hard in the beginning to understand that the alcoholic drinks because he/she drinks. Many times they say we're their 'trigger', stress is the 'trigger', work is the 'trigger', the kids are the 'trigger'. And it's very hard to go from being in love and wanting to care for someone in obvious pain to detached and working hard on our own recovery.
I can also understand that it can be viewed as offensive when people generalise regarding wife beating, dui's etc. I have alcoholic people in my life who are not like that at all and are the 'garden variety' type and I've been married to a wife beating, drink driving one and separated from another one who has alcohol induced psychosis and drink drives. I know someone who is so traumatised by his experience with his ex that he feels like blowing away anyone who drinks. (I've suggested Al-Anon but he's not willing to go there yet as he thinks he doesn't have a problem!) It's a horrible disease, it's a family disease and it affects everyone it touches.
I also understand how hard it can be to go to an AA meeting as a woman. I couldn't go on my own in the beginning. I had to take a friend. I'm so grateful for AA and Al-Anon and for this forum. Just wish there was a AcoA meeting in my area! Welcome here Sugardaddy. I hope you keep coming back!