You know, Chicory,
Maybe it really WOULD be good for you to hit some open AA meetings. Hear some of the stories. Hear how people couldn't accept their own powerlessness and unmanageability of their lives until one disaster after another befell them. Not until every delusion of manageability was stripped away. Not until they could no longer DENY it.
Not everyone makes it, but those who do usually aren't coming in from a happy place.