((hugs))
i am praying for you and sending you positive thoughts and feelings in this time.
it was absolutely heart smashing for me to see xbf while he was high and slurring. he was in such a bad way, and it was like watching him die, almost.
i had to leave him, because i could never deal with seeing him that way. it was just too painful.
if there is any way that you do not have to feel this pain, i wish you the strength to take those actions.