"I want to get healthy. I want to be normal- what ever that is. I want to escape from this dysfunctional brain."
I know exactly how you feel. I said in my AlAnon meeting a while back that I felt like I had lost my soul and that was the best and only way I knew how to describe it. I now realize where it went and I'm slowly getting it back. I can list a million things that I did or quit doing to try and make my XAH happy so he would quit drinking. I used to kayak with a male friend and neighbor. XAH was so jealous that I quit one of the best things that I had. I had a nice looking built in wine rack that I had built myself. After the crazy started I took all of the wine out of it and boxed it up. This week I kayaked and also put the wine back in the rack. My XAH hated when I listened to Andrea Bocelli or Josh Groban so I quit playing their music. Like they were going to come and sweep this old gal away. HA! Now I listen to what I want to when I want to. I've started walking again. This forum has been a lifesaver for me and I am grateful. I'm slowly trying to work the steps and take responsibility for the messes that I've made in my life. And as I do I can feel ME seeping back into this body. I can see a direct correlation as to how much work I put into it and how much better my life is. And so it shall be with you.
Sorry if I rambled. And I do have a disclaimer...if Josh Groban comes knocking then I am outta here, gang!