You can't have it both ways. Alcohol realistically can't be all that fun as you're on a recovery site for alcoholics and addicts.
I was where you're at for a good few years before i finally got sober. For me then the only drink i have to stay away from is the first one, when I took the first drink then I would be taking more and more until I passed out and then drinking as soon as I woke up keep the session going and to kill the hangover/comedown.
Only through staying sober amd working on my recovery was I able to gain the real clarity as to what alcohol made me perceive. For as long as I kept viewing alcohol as fun and a solution then I continued to carry on drinking and drugging.
The only way for me to be able to move forwards in my life positively was by truly accepting that I'm an alcoholic and addict and staying sober 'just for today' and sorting my life out 'one day at a time'.
I used and continue to use AA, SR and much wisdom from elsewhere.
All The Best