I don't know what type of recovery program your XAH is in, but normally a rehab will have family counseling available. If your XAH and the father of your sons want to be involved in his sons lifes he needs to find family counseling. I would suggest this be your XAH's first step towards making amends to his sons. It sounds like there has been a lot of hurt and mistrust put on your sons by their father. I wouldn't use your house as the meeting place for your XAH and your sons. Your home needs to your sons' safe haven. I would suggest you attend Alanon meetings, and have your teenage son become involved with Ala-teen. Keep participating on SR. You are not alone, and neither are your sons.
"Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm."
:ghug3