I'm not sure if this program is even called "rehab" to be honest. It's a voluntary in-patient program, however he is able to leave for short periods in the evenings to go to AA meetings and on the afternoons on the weekend. So the visits would not have to be at the treatment location, he could actually come here or meet elsewhere. He is asking to come here.
With the exception of the last two months he's had very regular visits with the kids, especially my younger one. I want to support him in recovery, but I'm afraid, with good reason. I've helped and supported him before and then ended up hearing lies and having him try (unsuccessfully since I found this site and have gone to alanon) to make me feel like I'm crazy. I'm sure you all know what I mean...looking at me like I'm nuts to think he's drinking again...telling me he'll call a lawyer (to which I said good idea-I wont be bullied) and telling me the lawyer suggested mediation (ok, great idea let's go). All just to try to get me to agree he can see the boys in an environment I'm not comfortable with.
Is it wrong to hope this was his bottom? He took himself to the hospital to try to get admitted, then went home and stopped drinking so he could get in this program. Admitted that alcohol is just the symptom..that he knows he has psychological issues that he needs to work on so that is why he wanted in this program. His biggest fear right now is losing his job (he does have a very important, stressful, well paying position), but he's taking more than a month off work to seek treatment. It infuriates me that his biggest fear is whether he keeps his job too....I know I can't control anything about him (what he thinks, feels, does), but I wish his biggest fear was losing his family. I want my kids safe, period.
I struggle a lot with where to draw the line. I want my kids safe, I want them to have a relationship with their Dad....but I don't want to risk my recovery. The easiest thing to do seems to be to let him visit here. Is that enabling?